Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
