opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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