I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
