if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
