i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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