It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
