she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
