Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
