Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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