Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
did i just pee glitter
send nudes
from the living room?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
