we have pet lesbian snakes
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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