matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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