we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
