I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I believe in your delicious
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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