If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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