yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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