Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Randomize
