So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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