shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
