So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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