apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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