I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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