My sheets look like a crime scene.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
