i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
