I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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