If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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