Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
