Ambien. No doubt about it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
