don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
