Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
