This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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