you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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