You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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