and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
