I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
