You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
