she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
