Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize