the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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