will power is for people who don't want to get laid
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
