She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
