Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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