on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
