Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
