At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
