So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
