Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
