the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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