I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
