Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
