I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
