I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize