eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
