I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
