dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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