Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
