It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is classic penis vs brain.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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