Got a toothbrush?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
