part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
