What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
