Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
