Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
