If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize