I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
