3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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