So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize