I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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