I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I need to calm my uterus...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
