This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
