You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
