Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
