who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
