The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
