We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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