Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize