24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
