so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
