Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize