and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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