If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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