So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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