girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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