apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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