we made out on top of his cat.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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