are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
