i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize