So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
