I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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