So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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