You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I supernannyed him into submission
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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