Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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