He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
