NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
