Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
