hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
