at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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