dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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