shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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