Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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