I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
