my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize