My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize