so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
