I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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