Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
