ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
