Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
try to milk me bitch
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